A Lesson in Romans 8:28 and Trust

--How I became a 3rd grade teacher at Commonwealth Elementary, in Fullerton School District--

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28 

WARNING: This is a loonnnng story! If you make it to the end, you are truly an amazing person with serious stamina for reading a crazy girl's ramblings. Thank you. I felt I had to write this story, not just for me, but for others who are in need of encouragement. I hope this lifts you up, as I was recently encouraged by a fellow believer's testimony of God's faithfulness.

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I wish I could say my faith never wavered. I wish I could say I never doubted, never cried out in frustration or heart ache or utter confusion, but that would be a different story--not this one. In the beginning though, I knew. I knew the way you know about those big defining things about yourself. The way you know who you are and what type of work you were simply made to do. The way you know how to love. I knew as if it were some quiet instinct. It felt matter-of-fact. Deep down, I just knew that I would one day work in the Fullerton School District. I first heard about the amazing professional development and technological advancements of the Fullerton School District sometime in December. I remember thinking, "Wow! How great would it be to be a teacher in a district that is so committed to working with you, coming alongside you, helping you better yourself and better your students?!" It seemed too good to be true, but everywhere I went, I heard amazing things. And among all of those voices, I heard a quiet one whisper, "This is where you will be."

I didn't want to get my hopes up, but oh how I prayed and hoped for a placement in Fullerton. I asked my family to pray as well. I would tell them, "We're hoping for, we're praying for Fullerton!" And they would answer, not wanting me to get my hopes up and be discouraged, "Okay, but really, any full-time job would be great, right?" And how could I argue that? Dan supported me not just emotionally (a feat in itself), but also financially the entire length of my Credential/Masters program, as I studied and went to school for a year and a half. But now we were running out of funds; we needed me to find work, and find it fast. In January, I signed up to be a substitute teacher at a few places, but I was thrilled when I landed a long-term substitute position as a 2nd grade teacher at a charter school in Chino, CA. This was full-time, consistent work--and work that would get me experience I could put on my resume.

As Spring came, I began to fill-out application after application. I was determined to find a full-time teaching position, and one of my mentors along the way had told me, "Don't be picky; Apply everywhere." So that's exactly what I did. I applied anywhere and everywhere from my old school in Temecula to Riverside to South Orange County and then of course, Fullerton. Fullerton's application was the longest. It required all of the typical past work and credential information, references, and resume/cover-letter attachments. However, this application was different in that it also required me to answer five essay questions and complete a timed test. More than a little intimidating, right?! After the application process I waited... and waited.

In April, I interviewed with the Christian school where I attended 7th-12th grades. I was offered the job and found myself torn. The offer was lower than any public school's salary schedule, but it definitely made me wonder, "Is this where I am supposed to be?" How could I turn down an offer of full-time work? I decided to talk to my then Vice Principal and Principal at the charter school. Both were very kind, and although they weren't able to assure me that I would have a position there in the Fall, they were fairly confident that it wouldn't be an issue. Furthermore, one of them told me something that really stuck, she said, "You just need to follow your heart, Whitney." After praying about the opportunity and talking it over with Dan, and then praying together, I decided I needed to turn down the offer. Dan and I really feel we are supposed to be in Orange County right now, and we just weren't ready to say good bye to our second family, our LifeGroup and church.

So... months went by and I continued to apply anywhere and everywhere that I could. Dan and I continued to pray for direction and guidance. The school year at the charter school ended and I still hadn't heard anything about a job there or anywhere else. I was beginning to doubt and to wonder if I would find anything at all. Dan and I began to question whether I should have taken the position at the Christian school. I was a mess to say the least--a complete ball of anxiety. Like I said, I wish I could have kept my firm faith about God's previous whispering to me the whole time. What I once thought I knew so strongly, was barely a thought anymore. All I did was worry and pray and worry... and feel guilty about how much I was worrying. In the meantime, more and more of my friends were getting interviews and job offers. I kept asking Dan, "What's wrong with me? I'm a good teacher, right? Why haven't they called me?"

Finally, I received a call from the charter school. They offered me a job on the spot and said I did not need to go through the interview process since they had seen me teach during my long-term substitute placement the year before. I remember telling the principal that I was very interested in the position and that she had made my day, but I got off the phone and my heart was heavy and torn. I knew Dan would be ecstatic--full-time work and an offer that paid about 12 grand more than the offer I received from the Christian school. Still, it felt like saying yes to the charter school meant that I was closing the door on that dream I once had. Part of me remembered that quiet voice and that feeling of confidence and I wanted to ask, "Is this really what I'm supposed to do?" I called Dan, and later my dad. They were both ecstatic for me. It took a little bit of faking it 'til I made it, but eventually I began to get really excited as well. I would have my own class after all, and the principal had told me I was slated for 3rd grade. I knew it would be a great year and I might even get a good chunk of my previous students, moving up from the second grade class. Then I talked to my mom, I told her and her basic reaction was the same as my initial inner reaction,  "What?! No. What about the other school districts? What about Fullerton?" I did my best to talk her down and convince her how excited I was, but I came out of the conversation re-thinking the entire thing again. I had so wanted Fullerton. I had so wanted a public school district job.

Nearly a week passed, and I didn't hear anything more from the school. I told my closest friends and family about my job and began to prepare for my 3rd grade teaching position. Eventually, I decided to call the charter school myself to set-up the contract signing. I didn't want that offer walking away. I called and was told they had been very busy with interviewing candidates for other positions, but that I could go in on Wednesday to sign the contract. Wonderful! I had a day on the books for signing and finalizing everything.

Then, it happened. Tuesday night I received a call from a local number that I didn't recognize, and so decided to pick up on a whim. I answered, and who should be on the other line, but a principal from a Title I School in Fullerton School District asking me if I was still interested in a position. *Side Note:* A Title I school was just frosting on the cake that was Fullerton School District. Ever since my first student teaching experience in a Title I school, I knew I eventually had to work at a Title I school--it felt like more than teaching, it felt like service and it just fit me and the way that I view teaching and Elementary schools as my particular mission field. I want to care "for the least of these." Anyways, back to the story-- I told her yes, I was still interested, but that I had a contract waiting for me at the charter school and an appointment to sign the next morning. She asked me to push back the signing and so I did. I scheduled my interview with her for Thursday morning.

Again, I was a ball of anxiety, but thinking, "This must be it! It can't be a coincidence that she called the night I was supposed to sign!" I called my parents, and my mom confessed she had been praying for this exact opportunity for me. Then I got some more news. One of my closest and dearest friends from grad school also had an interview... with the same principal... for the same position. I was heartbroken. I did not want to go up against my good friend, let alone someone I had first hand knowledge of being an incredible teacher. Natalie and I completed both of our student teachings right next door to each other in the same grades and at the same schools. She is an amazing teacher, the kind of teacher you aim to be, the kind of teacher who makes her students believe they can do anything, the kind of teacher who stops at nothing to help her kids in any and every way. I knew this. How the heck was I supposed to somehow outshine her? Well, it turns out, I wasn't supposed to after-all. Hahaha. And I didn't. Natalie interviewed on Wednesday and was an instant favorite for the principal. I interviewed later on Thursday, and didn't have a chance at changing the principal's mind.

Before this interview, I was a ball of anxiety and had prayed that the Lord would make his plan for me known. In my heart I felt the job was Natalie's. I didn't even really know how her interview had gone, and mine had gone pretty well, but still, I just knew. I talked to my dad after the interview and I remember he asked, "What's wrong? Why do you sound sad?" I answered, "I don't know." But I did. I knew. Even then, I knew. A couple of hours later, I got a text from Nat--she got the job! I was so happy for her and knew she would be an incredible asset to this Title I school, but how could I not feel bummed--I thought this was it, and it wasn't. I thought, "Okay, Lord, the charter school it is. Those kids must need me. You must have work for me to do." After a cry, I brushed myself off, pulled myself together and began planning anew for teaching at the charter school.

The next Monday, I called to reschedule my contract signing with the charter school and was told I was re-slated and now it looked as though I would be back in 2nd grade. I was disappointed. I had been getting excited for and planning on 3rd grade for the better part of a couple of weeks, but I told my vice principal that would be fine, and scheduled my signing for Wednesday at 10 am.

Then, it happened. Again. In the words of my best friend, "You're Kidding Me!" Except I'm not. I got a call, and answered to hear the voice of the principal at Commonwealth Elementary on the line. She wanted to know if I was still interested in a position. And for the second time in the course of a week I had to have this conversation. I told her I was very interested, but was scheduled to sign my contract the next morning at 10 am. She asked if I could push back the signing, and I told her I was hesitant to do that, because I had already pushed it back once. She said, "Okay, then can you come in and interview with me at 8 am." I answered, "Maybe.... Can I ask you a question first though? Please be as honest as possible. What type of teacher are you looking for? I just graduated. Are you looking for someone with a lot of experience?" She said, "I'm looking for an amazing teacher. Someone who is willing to dig-in and work hard. I'm looking for a team player who is going to love on and work for these kids." I said, "Okay. That's what I needed to hear. You just described me to a tee. I'll be there tomorrow at 8 am."

I got off the phone and looked at Dan who had been listening to it all in the living room. "What just happened, Dan?! What the heck just happened? What does this mean?" And he looked at me like a deer in headlights, and said, "Whit, I have no idea." We prayed. Then we called my parents. I needed guidance from wise counselors and I always know I can get it there. They encouraged me, and it turns out my mom confessed to having been praying again for me to have another opportunity. Here it was--another opportunity. This time was very different though. At the last interview, I did everything I could to prepare. However, this time, the principal at Commonwealth had called right before I was supposed to go out with friends for a farewell party. I decided I was not going to miss out on saying goodbye to a dear friend of mine. I said a prayer, and went out to see my friends. I got home around 10:30 p.m. I put in about 45 minutes of thinking about various questions, and then went to sleep. That would have to be enough.

I was nervous, but for the first time in a long time, I had a calm assurance. I didn't want to get my hopes up and told few people about the interview, but I felt good about this. The next morning I got up and put my favorite dress on--the same one I had worn to my first interview at the other Title I Fullerton school. At 8 o'clock I entered the principal's office and didn't re-emerge into the world until close to 9 a.m. I had prayed the Holy Spirit would give me the words to convey my passion for teaching and my desire to teach at Fullerton, at a Title I school and at this specific school--which just happened to have a strong focus on active learning (the method I studied for my final thesis project). I am confident my Lord was with me in there, not only was the interview the best I have ever had, but I immediately felt calm and at ease. I had the ability to say everything I had wanted and needed to say. *Sidenote:* the position I was interviewing for was a 3rd grade position--the same grade level I had been preparing for all week before the charter school changed their minds and placed me back in 2nd. The interview went so well that the principal and I just sat there talking after I had answered all of her specific questions. Seriously, if she hadn't been watching as I walked out, I may have done a Tiger Woods-esque fist pump in jubilee (hehehe: Commonwealth's mascot is the Tigers!)

When I had entered her office, the principal asked me, "What are you going to do about signing? I can interview you now, but I won't be able to make my decision until I interview everyone. I won't have a decision until tomorrow, and your appointment is for 10 am today." I told her, "Well, we'll see how the interview goes, but I am getting a cough (totally true--it's now like a dog's bark)--I may be feeling a little too ill to go in today.""Oh Good! Yay!" she said. After the interview, I looked at her and told her, "I really want to work here. This school is where my heart is--where my passion is. Now then, after all we have talked about this past hour... if you were me, what would you do?" She answered, "I think I'd cough some more." And so that's exactly what I did.

I pushed back my signing with the charter school... and waited. Later that night I got a text from my master teacher who had mentored me during my last student teaching placement. The text said, "Howdy, I got a call from a Fullerton principal today and sang the praises of the fabulous Whitney Kean!" I was ecstatic! This was certainly good news--they're calling references! And then... I remembered that the charter school Vice Principal was one of my references. Eeek! But in the words of Natalie, "Ah well... moving on to bigger and better things!"

The next morning I was with my friend Katie, another wonderful friend and fabulous teacher who I met in my grad program, helping her decorate her classroom when I got a call from a local 714 number. It was the Personnel department at Fullerton School District. She asked if I was interested in taking the position of 3rd grade teacher at Commonwealth and I answered right away, "Yes, Maam!" I set up a time to go in to get my paperwork from the district and was off the phone and hugging Katie before I knew what happened! I called and/or texted my family and close friends, and said silent prayers of thanksgiving over and over again! I called the charter school and broke the news as gently as I could. The VP was very sweet and wished me all the best in my new adventure at Fullerton School District.

Okay, so here is the cool back story: The principal at the other Title I school (the school I wasn't hired for) apparently really liked me in the interview, but had, as I suspected, already all but decided upon Natalie for the position. However, because she liked me so much, she passed my name to the principal at Commonwealth once she found out that principal was also hiring, and told her I was great and she had to interview me....

Even cooler: The Lord's timing is seriously incredible. If I had never had the first Fullerton school interview, I would have never pushed back my signing at the charter school, and wouldn't have been available for the Commonwealth interview. Furthermore, without the interview at the first Title I school, my name and resume would never have been passed along to Commonwealth.

And so... I am now due to start school August 11th as a 3rd grade teacher in the district of my dreams, and at a Title I school that embraces my philosophy and methodology for teaching--active learning! The Lord is so good. He is faithful even when we are faithless, and he loves and desires to give us good gifts. Praise be to my Lord Jesus for fulfilling his promises to me and the desires of my heart.

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." ~Psalm 37:4 

Why I Want To Be A Teacher

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~ E.E. Cummings.

I remember my first day of school—the tears on my mother’s face, Minnie Mouse on my little backpack, big hugs, and colossal amounts of anxiety, pride, and hope. A tree made out of papier-mâché and construction paper, held up by a concrete pole, stood in the middle of the classroom. Little parrots made out of cotton balls and feathers sat around the room. Bulletin boards filled with colorful charts and pictures decorated every wall. And Mrs. Ramirez stood in front of the chalkboard wearing her jungle animal-print vest and a puppet named George the Giraffe on her hand. I remember all of the fresh, new, exciting details of that place and all of the little faces surrounding mine, lit with awe and wonder. Still, what I remember more than anything else is how the whole experience felt. It felt enchanted, like a far-away land from some chapter in a fantasy book. Yes, that is what I remember most: the magic.

That classroom and the many I have entered since were places of possibility, places of hope and anticipation. Mrs. Ramirez taught her Kindergarten class silly dance moves choreographed to songs about jungle animals, math games played with “barrels of monkeys,” and handwriting and reading amidst George the Giraffe’s inspiration. Mrs. Groty turned her fourth grade classroom into a one-room schoolhouse to teach California history. During one lesson, her award winning science curriculum made the multi-purpose room feel like a space station and her students like astronauts completing important scientific tasks for NASA. The fifth grade came to life when Mr. Downey allowed his students to end each day sitting atop desks, singing along to his guitar musical numbers. He was famous around campus for his Jeopardy games and shoebox dioramas which prepared the class for upcoming history tests. And while teaching her 7th graders the differences between various poetry meters, Ms. Kridler incorporated motions, claps and jumping patterns to mirror the distinctive rhythms and help her students remember each poem type.

In the classroom, amidst the smell of pages of books, and the excitement for a place where anything was possible, I also developed a love of understanding new subjects, problem-solving, and learning and explaining new concepts. The true magic lay in discovering just what I would learn next, how the little mysteries of the world were solved, and my teachers’ contagious excitement for the topic and their confidence in what I could accomplish. It’s no wonder that shortly into my schooling career, I could answer the age-old question that is asked of every little boy and girl, “What are you going to be when you grow up?” with a simple two word answer: “a teacher.” I knew from those first years, that I wanted to make a magical world of learning come to life for children, to be the one who would not only prepare their minds, but their spirits too, with an excitement and love for learning.

Unfortunately, as my own love for learning and knowledge was fostered by countless teachers, I began to appreciate various areas of academia and my once solid resolution to become a teacher wavered as I was introduced to other fields of study and career options, and in turn, to all the other possibilities of who and what I could be. I never doubted my love for children or my desire to help them change their world, but I began listening to others instead of my own heart. Told I was a good writer, I thought of becoming a journalist. Encouraged when others saw my sympathetic heart, listening ear, and helpful words of advice, I considered psychology. I took classes and spent a lot of time pursuing only little threads that helped make up the whole me. Eventually I realized the truth, while I do love to write (and will probably always play with the written word as a hobby) and enjoy mentoring young people through their hardships, I want to be a part of the “shaping” process, not just the “telling” or “fixing” stages. Teaching fulfills the whole of who I am, and not just the little parts that make me unique. I want to be an every-day influence in a child’s life, offering a constant source of that encouragement and assistance all children need. And I look forward to helping create smart, curious, life-long learners in the children I will someday teach.

Although it wasn’t until recently that I made this firm decision to pursue my career in teaching, I can now see the strands of my life being woven into that specific tapestry all along. As a child, I loved to play “school” with my playmates. As a young adolescent, I was eager to help my mother teach my much younger sister to read using her phonics books. I tutored younger students throughout high school and college and even created a “camp” for my sister and her two friends whose parents worked during the summer of 2007. The “curriculum” I shaped for my Camp Restore included: cooking classes, science experiments, arts and crafts, constructive journaling and a book club, involving the reading and discussion of a historical fiction novel revolving around the rise of the Roman Empire. I surprised many of my peers when I didn’t apply for the Editor-in-Chief position at my school newspaper during my senior year of undergraduate coursework. Although I held seniority at the paper having previously been a staff and senior writer as well as the News Editor, I opted to work with younger writers as a Writing Coach instead. In the workplace, I am the first to offer to train new hires and always ask follow-up questions in team meetings to make sure others grasp the fullness of any instruction given. Even in my family and social life, my loved ones will be the first to call me “Teacher Whitney” as I always emphasize following directions, listening carefully, playing fairly, and sharing with others, as well as the importance of proper visual aids and the necessity of learning something in every situation.

Once I understood teaching is at the core of all that I am as a person, I began pursuing a career in elementary education, eager to foster a love for learning and excellent academic skills of those in the early to middle childhood years. As a previous Journalism major, my love for the written word, and the opportunities it provides to those who have the skills to unleash it, is consummately bound to all that I hope to achieve as a teacher. I plan to both build upon the base already set and lay a foundation other teachers will continue to develop in all aspects of learning, but especially in those areas that will help youth open the doorways of the opportunities reading and writing will provide. The knowledge I have gained regarding the importance of early and middle childhood development and early education coupled with my own experiences as a student only further cement my resolve to work with young children in developing the basic skills that will fuel their learning capabilities as well as the person they will eventually become.

It is clear my teachers played a distinct role in my development as a person, as well as in my education. As a future educator, I hope to follow their example and assist developing young minds discover their potential. The quote by E.E. Cummings at the beginning of this essay, “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are,” is aptly stated. Its truth resonates with my journey, but also with the teachers who helped me learn “who I really am.” My teachers made the discovering of myself, and the world in which I live, an exciting expedition. By the end of my time in this program, I aim to create a “magical” classroom where children can discover their minds and their world, so they too someday have the courage to fully be themselves, whoever they may be.

Perfection--a myth? Maybe not.

“Perfection consists not in doing extraordinary things, but in doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.”-- Angelique Arnauld

Writing is just such an ordinary task. And although I seek that perfection (which I'm not sure even exists) in doing it extraordinarily well, it takes more work, exertion, time, pain, sweat, tears and blood than I ever imagined. My ideas are shape-shifting ghosts that love to play tricks on me. They play hide-and-seek; just when I think I have finally found that blasted illusive thought, it turns into smoke between my fingers. Nothing.

A constant search for a muse is exhausting and, at times, feels useless. Do I write fairy tales? Gore? Fiction? Non-fiction. Maybe that's the trouble with writing; the possibilities are endless. But then, that's the surprising joy in writing too; you never know how the story will end.

"Try, Try Again"

"It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something." --FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT

Life has become too easy to give-up on; thousands throw-in the towel every year. Some take their life and throw themselves into the hereafter. Others simply stop living even while they still breathe. They stop trying. Dreams are either forgotten or consciously put away in imaginary boxes that hold things like first baseball game memories, ballerina slippered twirls and blanket-fort blueprints. No one is ever excited about making these "responsible" decisions to leave such treasures behind. But when reality hits, it often doesn't leave room for exciting dreams, even if you want to work to make them a part of your reality.

This reality, the one that demands bills be paid and money saved, isn't nearly as colorful as those beautiful fantasies. Nothing in life quite compares to those crisp, clean ideas. And soon all too many of us begin to trudge through the days of work, dinner, exhaustion and heartache; we forget to hold-on to the bright beacon that kept us so energized years ago. We're jaded and forget to look for signs of hope while our own hopelessness is mirrored in the faces of those around us. A losing economy where people are fighting to keep job, home, family and health seems like the last place to start dreaming-up old dreams again, but maybe it's when we need to the most.

We have to try; try to live that complex balance between the hard, cold, real world and the place in our hearts and minds where anything is possible. It's like riding a bike for the first time or trying on a new pair of skates. The likelihood that we'll fall is very real, but the pay-off when we get to ride down the street, no hands on the handlebars and the wind in our faces will be worth more than the heartache it took to learn that new skill. That exhilarating, breath-stealing slice of a second may be worth all the "what ifs" in the world when we allow ourselves to follow our dreams and believe anything is possible once more.